Some suggestions for Mark Zuckerberg’s new AI, Jarvis
Today, Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg posted a video of him living his totally normal life with his completely normal family and their newest member, an artificial intelligence system that Zuckerberg is calling Jarvis.
In the video, Jarvis (voiced by the actor Morgan Freeman) helps Zuckerberg wake up, get dressed with a cannon that shoots him one of his signature grey t-shirts, and eat dry toast. A little strangely, the AI also chats to his baby daughter in Mandarin when no one is watching.
Have a look:
At the end of the video, Zuckerberg asks viewers for some suggestions of new features for Jarvis. We had a few, so we figured we’d put them here instead:
Dear Mr. Zuckerberg,
We at Quartz were impressed with your gumption to build your own AI assistant for your home, especially when Google and Amazon already have such useful products on the market that do the same thing. You asked for some suggestions on new skills that Jarvis could learn, and we had a few that we wanted to bring to your attention:
- A pants cannon to accompany your shirt cannon. Also maybe a sock and shoe cannon
- A butter-spreading machine for your audibly dry Jarvis-cooked toast
- Advertisements that follow you around and are relevant to your daily home activities
- Help with the performance numbers for those ads that seem incorrect so often now
- A function to let Priscilla change the temperature at home, too
- A recommendation engine for t-shirts that aren’t grey
- More reminders to build some landing gear for your massive internet drones
- Snapchat product release notes on command
- A reminder to thank Morgan Freeman for agreeing to be in your bizarre commercial
- An Oculus founder Palmer Luckey locator
- A Palmer Luckey mute button
- Also one for board member Peter Thiel
- Something to automatically delete any texts from your investor Marc Andreessen
- A roundup of the day’s best fake news on Facebook
- A use for virtual reality that isn’t video games and that doesn’t cause nausea
- A panacea to cure all diseases so you don’t have to spend $3 billion trying
- A human smile
- Someone to poke
- A friend