How to read 40 earnings reports in two minutes
From oil to gadgets, pharma to food, a huge range of companies reported their latest quarterly earnings today.
Wading through all these reports can be a little dull, so here is a whizzy summary of 40 earnings reports you can digest in just two minutes.
The key to reading the results:
Techstravaganza
Alphabet: Feeling very, very lucky 🤑
Microsoft: Clouds good, computers not so much 😐
Amazon: Resistance is futile 🤑
Intel: Chipping off 😰
Baidu: Bai-don’t 😰
Expedia: Sales up, losses down 😐
GoPro: Not dead yet 😐
Nokia: “Some challenges remain” 😐
LG Electronics: Premium washing machines 🤑
Samsung: ~Explosive~ profit growth 🤑
Nintendo: Zelda to the rescue 😀
Big banks
Deutsche Bank: Low expectations, met 😐
BBVA: Gracias a Mexico 😀
Lloyds: Balance-sheet balancing act 😐
Nordea: Leaving Sweden? 😐
Nomura: Business outside Japan 😀
Big oil
Total: Allez le oil price 🤑
Marathon Petroleum: Surprise! A profit 😀
Gazprom: Those gassy Europeans 😀
⏲ Intermission ⏲
Airports, airplanes, air-things
Southwest Airlines: Not great, but not United 😐
American Airlines: Pay the pilots 😰
Lufthansa: Profits at last! 😀
Heathrow: “Best year ever” 🤑
Raytheon: Political turmoil=Tomahawk missiles 😀
Airbus: More like Air-bust 😱
Drugs
AbbVie: Holy Humira! 🤑
Bayer: Stroke-prevention pills 🤑
AstraZeneca: Expired patents 😰
Bristol-Myers Squibb: You say Opdivo, I say Eliquis 😀
What to wear
Under Armour: Ugly shoes, ugly earnings 😱
Hermès: Handbags in Asia 🤑
What to eat
Starbucks: Venti ambitions, grande growth 😐
Domino’s Pizza: Piping-hot profits 😀
GrubHub: Mmm, non-GAAP adjusted Ebitda 🤑
Pret a Manger: Coconut milk FTW 🤑
Best of the rest
Comcast: Get Out! 😀
Ford: Warranty woes 😰
UPS: Saturday shifts 😐
WPP: US ad budgets 😰
Dow Chemical: The world wants silicone 😀
Now you’re all caught up! Well, until tomorrow.
An abridged version of this story previously appeared on the Quartz app. For more emoji-packed global business news, download it for iPhone and Android.