LOTO (Let’s Order Take Out) and PUMP (Pick Up Milk Please): Texting acronyms for grown-ups

The digital revolution in communications has brought with it entirely new forms of language.

As phone calls have given way to texts, sentences have given way to abbreviations and Internet slang. Now almost everyone with a phone can lol, tbh, and wtf?, even if they’d never talk that way irl.

But as useful as texting may be, its lingo was developed by a generation who used it to discuss video games, dating, and pop culture. As much fun as it might be to pwn noobs and ROTFLMAO, the main recipient of my texts is my spouse, and our texting is far more prosaic. We text about groceries, childcare, and paying the bills. We need acronyms that address our concerns. As such, I propose we add the following to the texting glossary:

A major preoccupation of parents is the provision of the evening meal. With two spouses working, ensuring everyone is fed can be a struggle. These abbreviations should help:

WFD — What’s For Dinner?

TTC — Too Tired to Cook

LOTO — Let’s Order Take Out

CHOP — CHinese food Or Pizza?

PUMP — Pick Up Milk, Please

TLIF — There’s Lasagna in the Fridge

Scheduling is another big issue:

WRU — Where are you?

IWL, DW —I’m Working Late, Don’t Wait

MMT — Missed My Train

SOL —Stuck On the L

Children are in constant need of attention. Even when it’s inconvenient, the law requires it. Coordinating their care can be easier with these:

WIPUK — Who Is Picking Up the Kids?

CYIS — Can You? I’m Slammed

WENCABS — WE Need CAsh for the Babysitter

FAHDT — F***! Another Half Day Today!

Already I can tell I’m onto something useful.

Finally, an assortment of other abbreviations perfect for modern life at middle age.

WIYMVA — When Is Your Mother Visiting, Again?

MBIAU — My Back Is Acting Up

IDA — Internet is Down Again

DIYPB — Did You Pay the Bills?

ITYD — I Thought You Did

GJG — Great. Just Great.